I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
