I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
