Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
