2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
