I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
