Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
