he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
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I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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