Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
