Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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