I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
