dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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