dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
