your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
