I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
