Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
