he wants to bone in the snuggie
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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