ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
