Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
