dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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