I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
