ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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