If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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