Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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