Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
