Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize