I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
