I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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