Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
