that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
