So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
