I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
