I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
