Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
