shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
