We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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