I want you more than these girls want KFC
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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