What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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