I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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