i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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