i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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