The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Shame is for Republicans.
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