Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
