Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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