i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
