I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We have started to decorate penises.
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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