Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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