You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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