i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
