So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
