I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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