So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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