Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He keeps bees of course he's weird
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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