So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
