I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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