why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
