what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
