I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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