i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
