you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
