New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Send help, water and tortillas.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
