So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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