Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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