weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
soo... how was my night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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