in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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