i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
