I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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