i wish starbucks made bloody marys
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
