We got so high we made milksteak
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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